The Reflection Effect
by Lucavex
Summary: **The Prologue and chapter 1 are complete! Please R&R! And NO, this is gunna be a slash fic. (for those who asked. :P) Enjoy!** Xander was always the normal guy.. Normal, dependable Xander.. Things change, and the tables turn. NC-17 for language
1. Prologue: Alone Again

"The Reflection Effect"  
  
SIDE NOTE: This is my first buffy fic. Be gentle. *wince* Also, I REALLY could use a beta reader. If anyone is interested, please send me an Instant Messege though AIM, my SN is "Tenshi Daraku"  
  
Another note, anything surrounded by "~~" ..Is either a flashback, or thinking. Since ff.net doesn't support us poor people who want to use italics. *sobs*  
  
Anyway, On to the Fic! I hope you enjoy it.  
  
Prologue: Alone Again  
  
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BGM: Stabbing Westard "What do I have to do"  
  
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~~"I don't wanna know this.. I don't wanna know any of this."~~  
  
Xander walked gloomily down the night street, a cold chill whipping about his brooding form. He stuffed his hands angrily into his jacket pockets, eyes set on the sidewalk in front of him. This was his just deserts. Hell he knew he deserved it. But with him?  
  
~~Oh no... Oh god no.~~  
  
~~Was that.. Anya.. Spike... Look away, anywhere else.. Not at the laptop screen which assaulted his eyes. A lamp shade, that would do.. For god sakes Will turn of the damned speakers! Strange, Anya never made that noise with him. No.. This wasn't her fault, Anya was hurting, and it was his fault. So this.. all this was his punishment. There was no way he could put the blame on anyone else.~~  
  
Alone within his thoughts, Xander recalled the events that just happened.. Why did everyone defend that monster? For almost two years, nearly every time he was unhappy, it was somehow related to Spike. Xander had been a loyal member to the scoobie gang for so long, he was respected.  
  
Then spike was neutered. Spike came bumbling into his life, and everyone else's. A simple chip made him accepted? Not to him.. everyone jumped on the "We Love Spike" bandwagon, treating him like a lost puppy. He conveniently took second stage, Spike was in the limelight now. Xander stepped back from his glory with all the dignity he had left, leaving Spike to the attention of the others. He was forgotten, much like the video game that was played too much when he was a child.  
  
Envy? No.  
  
So what if Spike had in only a couple months achieved what he took years to try at, and failed. So what if his pipe dream of sleeping with buffy was living dead guy's new reality? So what if he jumped at the chance to hop on Anya after he left..  
  
~~No, it's not all your fault, Xander. It's not your fault you saw what could have been. You were only protecting Anya! You still love her. ~~  
  
~~Idiot! You ran away.. Like you always do. You left her there.. alone and broken, emotionally torn. Leaving herself vulnerable so a demon like spike could take advantage of her.~~  
  
~~Spike.~~  
  
It was almost too much.  
  
Xander kicked an empty soda can, analyzing it as it clattered along the midnight sidewalk. Anya and Buffy had both stopped him from giving Spike a rather dusty end to his unlife. He would have to, if they hadn't stopped him.. He really would have.. Right? ...Uncertainty was always Xander's downfall.  
  
Uncertainty leads to hesitation.  
  
It was Hesitation that made him leave Anya at the alter.. Hesitation that stayed his hand just minutes ago with Spike, allowing Anya and Buffy to interfere.  
  
~~What a lovely shade of red..~~  
  
~~Was this rage? Didn't matter, someone had to die. Stakes. Holy Water.. Cross. Good. Time to go to work. Finally he has the motivation to do what Buffy couldn't for years. Pity stayed her hand... Nothing can stop his. Don't forget the jacket, don't want to catch cold. Out the door, off to make some dust.~~  
  
Spike..Spike..Spike..  
  
Xander hunched his shoulder, the cold night air biting through the jacket he wore. Idly he fondled the bottle of holy water residing in his pocket. He didn't hate Spike, even if the souless beast was below him. But doing that.. Sleeping.. No, not sleeping. Outright fucking his fian--.. former fiance. It was a low blow. And the fact.. the simple reailty that Ayna let him do those things to her, made the whole situation worse..  
  
He sighed, a forelorn look dancing across his tear streaked face. He didn't remember when he wept about this.. Maybe somewhere between dropping his stake and kicking that soda can. He wiped a few tears away, sniffing harshly. He still had that manly image to uphold, even if no-body was around to see it.  
  
Fuck it. He let the tears fall freely now, sitting down on the curb to be alone with his misery.  
  
Buffy had betrayed him too.. Sleeping with that.. that thing ..How could she? How could she do this? It wasn't so bad that she was sleeping with spike. He may have eventually come to understand that fact. What hurt most was that she lied about it. Not a little white lie.. But a bold-faced lie. Betrayal always hurt.  
  
~~Why isn't he fighting back? Chip be damned, he should throw at least one punch. Is that guilt? No, probably just gas.. Another punch, shoving him against a wall. That WAS guilt.. Vampires can't feel guilt.. Was it the right thing to dust spike? Yes.~~  
  
~~A Thrust, a neat pile of Spike.. ~~  
  
~~No dust.~~  
  
They stopped him. Pity once more saves that vampire's miserable existence. How many more times will Buffy save that bastard? It all made sense now though, It's hard to fuck a pile of dirt.  
  
"You cry like a girl."  
  
Someone's here, wipe away tears. Looking up, Xander saw a distorted face through a cloud of tears.. a glint of something. Fangs?  
  
He shouldn't have dropped the stake. 


	2. Consequences

"The Reflection Effect"  
  
Chapter 1: Consequences  
  
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BGM: Fuel "Bad Day"  
  
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Buffy strolled down the midnight streets, idlying kicking a soda can which look like it has been abused before. What would Xander think of her now? Could she look at her best friend the same way ever again? In seconds Spike shattered any hope she had of letting the others know about him and her, when she knew they could handle it best..  
  
Stupid Bastard, she sometimes wondered why she didn't stake the asshole herself. But then again..  
  
Something caught her eyes, a sparkle of red under a street lamp. A neat little pile of dust. Approaching closer.. Oh dear, quite the battle took place, new slayer in town? No.. there would be less blood. Blood? Oh no. Someone's hurt. Hey, that looks like a piece of Xander's shirt.. Nah, couldn't be, he went the total opposite direction. She was heading east right? Whipping out a handy compass, she frowned. For being the Chosen One, her sense of direction really sucked. Oh shit...  
  
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"Xander! My god what happened to you?!"  
  
A suprised ex-witch confronted a pale looking Xander who just burst in through the door. He held a hand over his neck, several bruises covering his form. His jacket was in his right hand, crumpled up.  
  
"I had things under control until he decided to fight back." Xander whimpered, stumbling forward unsteadily on his feet.  
  
"Where's buffy?" Willow exclaimed, still making a fuss over the pale Xander which barely stood in front of him, a protective arm snaking around his waist as he was guided to the couch.  
  
"No, the bathtub." Xander said bluntly, his voice weakening and blood trailed between his fingers. Didn't want to stain buffy's good couch. Maybe he should? Ha, payback. Fuck walking dead and fear the wrath of Xander! ..No, that hardly seemed mature.. His fingers could no longer hold what was contained in them, his jacket floped to the floor, a nearly empty vial of something also dropping to the floor below him, a few dribbles of water comming from the lip of the container  
  
"Xander?" The ex witch repeated. "Where's buffy?" He would be able to talk to willow better if she'd stop spinning the room on him. Damned witches.  
  
Darkness.  
  
"Xander?!" Willow squeaked, bouncing on her toes as the man slumped foward, his forehead thumping lightly on the coffee table as his hand slipped from his neck. Blood is really hard to get out of nice white carpeting, perhaps buffy should just switch to hardwood.. BATHTUB! That's what he meant.  
  
"DAWN!" Willow screamed, seconds later a teenager came bounding down the stairs, looking frustrated as angsty teens normally do.  
  
"What?! I was doing my homework I SWEAR, so don't even start with--" She stopped midsentence, tears already welling up in her eyes, her hand cupped over her mouth.  
  
"Oh god..."  
  
That's not comming out of the carpet.  
  
"Help me take Xander to the bathtub, Hurry!! And after that get the first aid kit from Buffy's room." Willow took command, she was good at that when buffy wasn't around to be drill seargant. Dawn complied, the two thin women quickly hefting the unconsious Xander to the bathroom, and finally into the bathtub. He hadn't stopped bleeding yet.  
  
Finally able to see the wound, she clearly observed two clean puntures in the artery on his neck.  
  
"Oh no.. Xander don't do this to me!"  
  
A crash through the front door was heard, signaling the arrival of Buffy. She burst into her living room, stake in hand and can o' whoop ass open and ready to pour. She stopped, her demeanor still aggresive though her stance worried as she spied the neat little puddle.. well, more than a puddle of blood on the ground. That's not comming out of the carpet. Well, maybe with a good shampooer.. Was the Albertson's still open this late? Wait, danger, oh yeah.  
  
"Will? Dawn?" She called out.  
  
"Oh buffy! Thank god!" Came a half cry/half squeak of Willow from the bathroom, she was in the small bathroom in seconds, a heavy sigh comming forth as she saw what lie in the bathtub.  
  
"I should have went after him.." she mused with a slight shake in her voice, lightly fingering the stake he dropped earlier.  
  
"He needs to go to the hospital." She then added.  
  
"But.." A small protest from the ex-witch.  
  
"No buts, no magic. He'll live, he needs blood. Put him in the car."  
  
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Buffy! Now there's a sight for sore eyes.  
  
Wait, she slept with Spike and nearly let him become a vampy meal. Fuck her.  
  
White walls.. Oooh, IV bag. Not home. Not at buffy's. What was the last thing he remembered? Oh.. Spinning room, Willow trying to talk in said spinning room. And.. something about not wanting to stain the carpet. Where was he now? Oh, IV bag. Hospital. Perfect.  
  
Willow.. Good ole' willow, you'd never sleep with spike right? Reaching up as he sat weakly, Xander embraced Willow in a warm hug.  
  
"Welcome back Xander.." she whispered, giving her best friend a small peck on the forehead.  
  
"What happened?" Came the concerned voice of Buffy. As if she couldn't tell.  
  
Well, I was sitting on the curb crying my eyes out like a little girly man when vampire who thought I was a woman attacked me. No. Gotta put a little decoration on it. Make it manly.  
  
Not looking at Buffy, he regarded Willow instead. Don't look confused, Will. Hating Buffy right now, deal with it. "I was patrolling to get...some things off my mind when one of them took me by suprise."  
  
Yeah, that was more manly.  
  
"You shouldn't have went alone, Xander..." Buffy's voice again.  
  
Dawn opened her mouth to add something, but a harsh glare from her older sister quieted her for the time time being.  
  
"You almost died.. I don't want to lose you." Was that buffy talking more? She just doesn't get the whole ignoring her thing does she? But.. That was kind of sweet..  
  
Just as he about to finally acknowledge buffy's presence at that.. well, kind of sweet comment. The nurse of the hospital opened the door, interupting him before he could start.  
  
"Visiting hours are over." 


End file.
